The holiday season is here again. For people like me who suffer from Depression, its a hard time of year. A lot of memories tie up together from the past and weigh down the present. I only really do Christmas to make sure Danielle has a good time. I don’t bah humbug away arbitrarily. I just find it harder to smile and enjoy times around now. Always bad thoughts at the back of my mind. Always negative emotions overtaking joyous ones. Always that hint of self doubt, corruption of confidence and self talk telling me maybe this should be the last Christmas. Why am I so stupid I keep going on, keep moving. Etc.
I don’t like to dwell on these things. I am a believer that suffering depression is a part of who you are – it is not the defining aspect of who you are or who you can be. I can occasionally see beyond the trees in these woods sometimes. And I wanted to take a moment to say a few things.
First, like always, I extend the offer to anyone I know who reads this and struggles – you have a person to talk to in me. I can’t help everyone but I can damn well take the time to listen. No one is alone, not really. And you should never feel alone.
Secondly, I’ve had some set backs this year and they really weigh on me. Some are financial. Some commercial. Some personal. But I want to let everyone know who may feel I have let them down or not been as productive as I normally am, that I am trying, really trying and pushing and will do all I can to make things work. I will never stop pushing. I just sometimes need to rest along the way and stop before I burn out completely. I do take more on than I should, but its my nature to try and do as much as I can for everyone.
Third, I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to offer me advice, support and even just a friendly word when they feel I may have needed it. Not everyone does take the time and I appreciate it. Even when I don’t take the offer, I thank you for it. Sometimes I just can’t let go of myself enough. But I thank each and everyone of you and you better know I am here for you too.
And of course I can’t thank anyone more than Danielle, my partner and one of the voices of reason in the madness.
Wayne, my brother and producing partner for inspiring me always.
Andy, for supporting me emotional with laughter when I need it.
Jim, always in my heart and always like old times when I do see you.
Dawn, for being a part of my new film family.
Glenn, for always laughing at my jokes and starting that secret Hank’s the man fan club (I know dude, I know)
Mom, for keeping ticking – just starting listening to me more about your diet and live longer woman!
Gary, Rob, Tara, Kris, Matt, Emma, Louise, Wayne, Chris, Sarah, Philip, Paul, Michelle, Rose, Suzie, Liam and a bunch of others – like the golden girls; thank you for being a friend.
And everyone else who whether in passing or deliberately took time at some stage to wish me well in this journey we call life.
Happy Holidays everyone. I hope you and everyone you know is doing well, happy and fat and sassy with drink and food this winter.
Now excuse me while I go cry my eyes out in a VR version of Tetris Effect.