“I was born. I live. And at some stage I will die.”
– Every one ever.
I am an outspoken American living and working in the UK, working to generate interest in our film company – Eze as Pi Productions – while freelance writing, working what comes my way and slumming it nine to five to pay bills.
I got big dreams and in some of them I realize I’m not wearing any pants and it is terrifying. But most of the time I am underwater and unable to fight off angels in a post apocalyptic fish tank… I do also have big dreams about where to take our films.
Me and my two adopted brothers Wayne Thompson and Jimmy Thompson are storytellers. We were born this way and we can’t change no matter how much religion you throw at us. And whatever it takes to get there and entertain people, we will do. To date its been 80 miles of hard road, but we’re pushing along as best we can.
I suppose I only have a personal site here because my shoes are so damn delicious that every time I open my mouth I seem to shove my foot in there. So to help keep a partial separation of what I say and what we say, I need a repository for my more offensive opinions, divisive essays and totally old school emo poetry I wrote back when I listened to the cure that one time.
LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL FUCKER!… He’s holding a kitten.
I’m uneducated – technically – as I left school when I was 9 years old. My parents were internationally gold smugglers and I had a few identities and places to call home before they settled in Florida and I lived there “home schooled” until I was 20. Home schooling was actually just reading books and watching movies. I taught myself everything I’ve ever needed when I came to need it.
I’ve always had a big chip on my shoulder about my intelligence, fearing I was stupid because I didn’t go to school. But then I meet people and generally feel like the smartest guy in the room, and that makes me sad for whole other reasons.
I’ve suffered from depression since I was young. Some of the things that happened in my life and the things I’ve been through its been hard to keep going. Even when I am “happy” I’m not happy. Everything is black and it won’t brighten up. I’ve tried several kinds of medication and therapy. None of it helped. But over the years I’ve found that remaining completely objective keeps me from killing myself. A lot of my early writing highlights my mind frame and when I look back, I can see I wrote these things to try and help myself by elaborating my feelings for others.
Despite these things, I don’t believe depression is “a mental illness” because I can’t stop feeling the way I feel, but I can fake normalcy and force myself to act out in the world. No one will down syndrome can force normalcy for themselves.
I’m have sexual addiction as well, but you don’t see me crying about being mentally ill, because despite my addictions I can control them through will power and will power is nothing more than state of mind. People have such low self worth these days and love an easy way out. To say its an “illness” or “disease” excuses their lack of will power.
I got a strong belief that freedom of speech means freedom to say whatever you want and should be defended at all costs. While I don’t practice hate speech, I think any censorship is wrong. Social media and the shrinking of distances, excessive overload of news, facts, figures and statistics has led everyone to be instantly judged for their words on a bigger scale and because of that not everyone is willing to talk freely anymore. Having a private and public voice, separately. Well, not everything I say, you’ll like or agree with. But it’s honest and I’d ask you respect that.
I don’t define myself so succinctly but I am bordering toward Libertarian if I had to choose a political preference. Politics bore me, but only because there is such apathy in people for it now. Everyone wants change but assumes its not possible and they hate the system but they fear the system. I don’t believe in welfare for the masses. I don’t believe in a benefits system. I believe in capitalism. And I believe in Darwinism.
More than anything I believe in Solipsism. I know I can and will achieve the goals I set for myself. I believe I can over come any obstacle, I just also am realistic enough to know that nearly everything in life takes time, money or strength. I’m lacking in time and money. But my mental strength is there. Because I tell myself it has to be.
People are capable of a lot more than they give themselves credit for. But that’s modern life isn’t it? We’re all labelled and pathetic. Well… Everyone else is. Not me. And oh, not you friend. Never US.
- Hank. May 2017.